Troubled
Marriages • Domestic
Violence Education
Message for Separation
and Divorce
Children Coping with Divorce • Outreach • Time
to Heal
Begin a Support Group • Connected
Catholics
Beginning Experience of New
Hampshire • Resources
HELPING CHILDREN COPE
Explain the divorce simply and
honestly in words the child can understand. Don't
try to inappropriately hide or deny marital problems;
the explanation children create for such tensions
are usually far worse than the actual facts. Avoid
placing blame for the divorce. Disparaging the other
parent only confuses children, who still love both
of you. Say genuinely positive things about the other
parent whenever possible. Make sure the children
know that they are not to blame; don't assume they'll
know this without being told.
Make it clear that you aren't "divorcing" your
children along with your spouse. Reassure them that
both parents love and care for them even though you
won't all be living together.
Remember that your ex-spouse is
not in competition with you for your children's love.
Don't ask
children to decide which parent to live with; it's a no-win situation for
them, since they can only please one parent by rejecting the other.
Let your child vent hurt and angry
feelings without taking them personally. Disobedience
or stubbornness may be your child's way of communicating
anger or insecurity about the divorce. Tell very
young children a story about divorced parents who
both continue to love their children. Drawing pictures
can also help youngsters communicate feelings they
can't otherwise express.
Seek counseling if your child is
having a difficult time. Often, the counselor, as
a skilled professional
and impartial listener, can provide the opportunity for children to safely
vent all their fears, frustrations and anger. The counselor can then work
with the child to find healthy ways to accept the changes and emotions they
are experiencing.
